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Thoughts Regarding Being Stone (Butch)…

During a Twitter conversation with a sexuality educator friend of mine, Corey Alexander about his upcoming class at InstigateNYC on Stone Sex and Culture, he directed me to this definition of Stone Butch…

The usual boundaries/preferences I’ve seen classified as “stone butch” are:

1) No receiving of penetration. Period. Not anywhere or with anything.

2) No receiving of genital (front hole) penetration, but oral and/or anal penetration are negotiable.

3) No receiving of eroticized genital contact at all.

4) No receiving of eroticized contact with either the genitals or the chest.

Following the traditional definition, I feel Stone when I’m feeling body dysmorphic. I don’t identify as Butch (yet?), but recognize different touch/desires when I’m in boy head space. After noticing periods where my breasts felt “off-limits”, I finally put two-and-two together while at CampOUT realizing that it coincided with times when I’m a boy. in these moments, having my breasts objectified and my nipples focused on makes me incredibly uncomfortable; however, being touched flatly on my chest feels okay since it doesn’t draw attention to my breasts (which to me exemplify femininity.) While I’m not entirely opposed to having my bits played with during these times, I have noticed a shift in desire and preference. In these times, I prefer an overtly aggressive top who takes full control or to be the top focusing on someone else. When Stone, I am more detached from my emotions and desires; my focus is on the act rather than the emotional aspects.

But, what about Stone as an archetype? In Raven Kaldera & Joshua’s class at CampOUT, we discussed the Sacred Whore & Sacred Slut… and I proposed the Sacred Stone. Raven and Joshua stated that the Sacred Whore offers sex magick and pleasure to Others while the Sacred Slut shares sex for self pleasure. I went further to suggest that the Sacred Stone withholds for Self Conservation and energetic recharge. My proposal was based in my own experienced cycle of the three; although I have extended periods of being sexually open and carefree, I also have periods of withdrawal. After periods of intense sexuality. I often feel Stone; after giving freely of myself, I close off my libido & sex.For me, nothing is static. Like all things in life, all things are impermanent.

Food for thought… Chomp!

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4 Responses so far.

  1. You don’t have to be butch to be stone – you don’t even have to have a hole to penetrate to be stone – which is where I disagree with mr. Alexander’s definition. I think Stone can come into play when one shields their psyche do much during sex that one does not need or even want to be touched themselves – it feels wrong – instead one tends to pay more attention to the pleasure of the partner -and can derive pleasure from that (or may not)

    I feel that it’s wrong to only attribute stone to those born with a vagina when many people on the mtf spectrum have felt similarly at times

  2. This is a case of miscommunication.

    I directed Mina to this thread so that she could see the range of defs, but do not use the OPs defs which are quoted by Mina above.

    I intended to specifically direct her to my post on that thread, in which I list several definitions of stone (and name the ones that apply to me), and said to her that the def I focus on when I teach (while I acknowledge the others as common in queer communities), is the last one:
    -Emotional armor/stoicism
    -Limits on touch/penetration
    -Sexual top—the one running the fuck
    -Body experience of violation with [certain kinds of] touch
    -Sexual orientation where pleasure/desire is centered on another person’s body and experience

    The thread itself focuses on stone butch, but I see stone identity as boundaries, bodily experiences, and a sexual orientation that is not attached to a particular gender or even to queerness, though the term has historical roots in such things.

    I discuss that here, in relation to the class:
    http://fetlife.com/groups/3068/group_posts/219150

    • Mina says:

      Knowing YOUR particular definition, I think this especially fits in with the triquetra of Whore, Slut, and Stone… although it’s obviously still GIVING. It’s just a slightly different angle, perhaps?

      Also, under this definition… I would most DEFINITELY identify with your definition. I thoroughly resemble that remark… at least, from time to time.

  3. Kyle says:

    Very foodfull thought, indeed. I have definite boy and girl moments, sexually and out in the world. Even as a boy, I am open to sexual contact, but tend to be more aggressive and focused on acting upon my partner, rather than being acted upon. Usually that feeling shifts within an encounter with a partner and my female side will open up and seek to be filled in any way possible.

    I know breasts are a focal point for a lot of people with regard to gender feelings. For me, in my boy mode, I have a chest and love to have it played with, though it is much less sensitive to pain than when I’m feeling more feminine. As a woman, I also love to have my boobs objectified and used, and I’m much more sensitive to pain.

    I guess my masculinity is more about cutting off sensitivity than cutting off penetration. I think as a boy, I’m somewhat of a fag, enjoying anal penetration a lot. It’s certainly not clear-cut, even to me, since my perspectives and feelings can shift within moments, without me noticing sometimes.