I am sharing this in hopes that it will help others – young or mature, newbie or jaded old-guard – to form words, learn courage, and take precautions to safeguard themselves from bullshit like this.
As some of you know, I joined someone for music, drinks, and dancing at the McKittrick Hotel after Pleasure Salon the other night – and was astonished by their manipulative and disrespectful behavior during and at the end of the night.
As someone who has been in the public scene for 16 years – and no longer a spring chicken – I was utterly astounded by the treatment I received. Our community speaks often about “rape culture”, and THIS is exactly what they mean. Whether kinky, poly, non-monogamous, or straight-laced monogamous, assumptions, expectations, and disrespect towards wo/men (complex gender aside) is inexcusable.
Without naming names, this is how I dealt with the inappropriate behavior I experienced the other night…
I doubted my gut feelings due to my inebriation on Thursday night, however the next day I could no longer deny that I felt your behavior was inappropriate. Even after stating I didn’t want to go back with you and needed to go home, you continued to pressure me once we reached your destination. You were pushy and disrespectful to the point that it became obvious to me that you expected sexual favors in exchange for the invite. Not only do I feel the “I owe you” attitude incredibly distasteful, but it also makes me fearful of how you treat others. As its event producer, I am therefore requesting you not return to Prohibition.
I also encourage you to reevaluate your behavior and consider modifying your future actions accordingly.