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Black Friday… it’s Fucking Over.

WARNING: RAVING RANT WITH LOTS OF CURSING AHEAD

*Steps on soap box*

It didn’t phase me until today… I didn’t hear from them yesterday. I woke up this morning in a damn funk that could make anyone sleep in. At first I thought it was just normal exhaustion or even possibly empathy for someone who I know is going through some really heavy emotions right now, but no… it finally dawned on me as I laid in my bed with Stitch and Chai competing for a spot on my chest.

Holidays are meant to be spent with family and those that you care about and love (and who care about and love you)… shit, in the very least, you’re supposed to hear from them. Shit, I fucking heard from almost every one of my friends, new and old, and heard from people I haven’t heard from in almost an entire year! You mean to tell me that THEY couldn’t send a mother-fucking text message or call to wish me a ‘Happy Thanksgiving?’ Throughout the day, friends and I shared gratitudes and blessings with each other knowing that our lives were enriched because each of us were in it. Not once did I hear an “Our life is richer because of you, Mina… we miss you, love you, are sorry, whatever.” So much for our “tricycle”… our happy fucking poly family. *grumble grumble*

I haven’t heard from THEM in weeks. Hmmm… I’ll consult the calendar; it’s been 21 fucking days to be exact. 3 fucking weeks… and neither of them has reached out by phone, text, or email to check in, apologize, whatever. Yup. I see how it is. Oh, do I ever.

It’s over.

This isn’t family… or whatever you want to call it. This is bullshit… and I don’t need it. If “family” comes at the cost of isolation and devisiveness, I don’t want it. No thanks. Been there, done that… burnt the bra, t-shirt, and even came back from Hell. I have no desire to return to that amusement park anytime soon.

So much for thinking what we shared was unconditional and true polyamory. Such more for believing that jealousy, possessiveness, and all the drama of dominant alpha-male BS was far behind me. No thanks… not interested.

It’s a shame… more than 2 years… gone. All because he had to be alpha-male, had to be right, … because he couldn’t say he was sorry… Rather than admit fault and apologize, he chose to laugh and manipulate the situation (no doubt, Kelley believes I chose Lee over them, that this is me just looking for an out, that he did nothing at all, etc.)… and no doubt expects me to come to him so he can weave his magic.

I’m done. Stick a damn fork in me… I’m so fucking done.

I don’t need my mind fucked with anymore. Been there, done that. I had 5+ years of that shit.

So, fuck you. Fuck this “family” we supposely had. I’ll create my own… one in which others actually want to be a part of… instead of one that isolates and keeps me separate because every one else stays away. Gee, I wonder why that is? David is the very thing he detests: the alpha-male dom that can’t handle competition.

*steps off soap box & dusts herself off*

Rant over. Thank you for listening.

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